A Message from Rev. Terry Kukuk:
What is it with control? Why do we have such a need to be in control? I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately. I tend to think a lot about control when things in my life do not run smoothly. If only I could just figure out how to organize and manage the events of my daily life. If only I could change a couple of habits, learn to better anticipate the outcome of my actions. If only I got up earlier in the morning or stayed up later at night.
Then it hits me, the problem with control is control. We have been taught from many different sources and in many different ways that in order to be happy, successful and a person of worth we need to be in control. As we navigate through life we have been given an unhealthy illusion by which to live our lives. That unhealthy illusion is control. We want to fix people. We want to change people. We want to be in charge. We want things to go the way we want them to go. We want people to behave the way we want them to behave. We want to be in control! Sounds reasonable, doesn’t it?
What’s at the core of our need to be in control? I have no clear cut answer to that question but I do have a couple of hunches. My first hunch is fear of the unknown. We worry about what we cannot see. We become anxious about our ability to cope with all the change that can occur in our lives. We are afraid of what others will think of us. Fear drives our need for control.
My second hunch is that most of us tend to be independent to a fault. Independence is a good thing that goes bad quickly once we forget that we were created for community. God designed us to share joys and concerns. We have been trained to be self-made. We have been told that needing others is a sign of weakness. Scripture tells us we need each other. In the imagery of the church as the body of Christ, we are reminded that we cannot say we do not have need of one another.
It was while I was in college that I became very familiar with Alcoholics Anonymous (AA). My friend Deb admitted that she had a problem with alcohol and turned to AA for the help she needed to become sober and stay sober. She began working the steps. As she did, she continually said, “One day at a time.” That’s how you forge forward. That’s how you let go of control. One day at a time. She surrounded herself with her AA community and she was honest with those of us who were her closest friends. Each walked, one day at a time, with Deb toward her sobriety. It was not easy for any of us but it was a blessing to walk together.
When I start to think a lot about control I realize that something in my life has become unbalanced. I am aware that things are not going as I had planned. It’s then that I remember one day at a time. I draw strength from my family of faith as they listen to me, pray for me and encourage me. I turn to scripture and remind myself of the steadfast love of the Lord that never ceases. I tell my heart to trust that God’s grace is sufficient, one day at a time.
Learning, one day at a time,
Pastor Terry
Here is a picture of the Kukuk-Shepard family:
Ian, Brad, Jadon, and Terry
